Choosing Between Should and Must: A Guide to Personal Growth

In life, we often stand at the crossroads of "should" and "must." These two paths represent the tension between societal expectations and personal desires, and the choices we make can significantly impact our personal growth and fulfillment. This blog will explore the concept of "The Crossroads of Should and Must," offering actionable advice, personal anecdotes, and examples to help you navigate these crucial decisions and live an authentic life.

Understanding "Should" and "Must"

Definition and Background

The concept of "should" and "must" was popularized by Elle Luna in her book The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion. According to Luna, "should" represents the expectations imposed on us by society, family, and peers. It's what we believe we ought to do to fit in or be accepted. On the other hand, "must" symbolizes our true desires and passions—what we feel deeply compelled to pursue to live authentically.

Identifying "Should"

Societal expectations shape our "shoulds" from a young age. We are taught to follow certain paths, achieve specific milestones, and adhere to norms. These "shoulds" often guide our decisions, influencing everything from career choices to lifestyle habits. For example, you might feel you "should" pursue a stable job because it's what your family expects, or you "should" get married by a certain age because society deems it appropriate.

Identifying "Must"

Your "must" is driven by internal passions and desires. It's what you genuinely want to do, regardless of external pressures. Identifying your "must" requires introspection and honesty about what makes you feel alive and fulfilled. This might include pursuing a creative passion, traveling the world, or starting a business. Your "must" is unique to you and reflects your true self.

Consequences of Choosing "Should"

Living by "should" can lead to a life that feels constrained and unfulfilled. When we prioritize societal expectations over our true desires, we might achieve success in the eyes of others but feel empty inside. For instance, someone might climb the corporate ladder because they feel they "should," only to realize they lack passion for their work, leading to burnout and dissatisfaction.

The Risks of Ignoring Your "Must"

Ignoring your "must" can result in long-term regret. When you suppress your true desires to meet others' expectations, you might miss out on opportunities that could bring you genuine happiness. Over time, this can lead to a sense of loss and the nagging feeling of "what if?" For example, an artist who chooses a conventional career over their passion for painting might always wonder what their life could have been if they had followed their heart.

Benefits of Choosing "Must"

Choosing your "must" can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life. When you follow your passions, you are more likely to experience joy, creativity, and a sense of purpose. Embracing your "must" often means taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone, but the rewards can be profound. You'll likely find greater satisfaction and a deeper connection to your true self.

Living Authentically

Living authentically means aligning your actions with your true desires. When you choose your "must," you prioritize what genuinely matters to you, leading to a life that feels more meaningful and congruent with your values. For example, someone who loves teaching might choose a career in education despite societal pressures to pursue a more lucrative field, finding immense joy and purpose in their work.

Practical Steps to Identify and Choose Your "Must"

1. Reflect on Your Passions

Take time to reflect on what truly excites and inspires you. Consider activities that make you lose track of time or topics you are passionate about discussing. Journaling or talking to a trusted friend can help clarify your thoughts.

2. Evaluate Your "Shoulds"

Identify the "shoulds" in your life and consider where they come from. Are they based on societal norms, family expectations, or personal insecurities? Understanding the origins of your "shoulds" can help you critically assess their validity.

3. Visualize Your Ideal Life

Imagine your life if you followed your "must." What would your daily routine look like? How would you feel? Visualization can be a powerful tool to connect with your true desires and motivate you to pursue them.

4. Take Small Steps

Start incorporating your "must" into your life through small, manageable steps. If your "must" is to write a book, begin by dedicating a few minutes each day to writing. Gradually, these small steps can build momentum and lead to significant changes.

5. Seek Support

Surround yourself with supportive individuals who encourage your pursuit of your "must." Whether it's friends, family, or a mentor, having a supportive network can provide the encouragement and accountability you need.

6. Embrace Discomfort

Choosing your "must" often involves stepping out of your comfort zone. Embrace the discomfort as a sign of growth and trust that the journey toward your "must" is worth the challenges.

Real-Life Examples

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, famously chose his "must" over societal expectations. Despite dropping out of college and facing numerous setbacks, Jobs pursued his passion for technology and design. His unwavering commitment to his "must" led to the creation of revolutionary products and a lasting legacy.

Elle Luna

Elle Luna herself is an example of someone who transitioned from "should" to "must." After a successful career in design, she felt unfulfilled and decided to pursue her true passion for painting. Her journey led to the creation of her book, which has inspired many to follow their own "must."

J.K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling faced numerous rejections before achieving success with the Harry Potter series. Despite societal pressures and personal hardships, she followed her passion for writing, ultimately creating one of the most beloved literary franchises in history.

Conclusion

At the crossroads of "should" and "must," making life choices becomes crucial for personal growth. By identifying and choosing your "must," you can live a more authentic and fulfilling life. Remember that the journey to your "must" is unique and may require courage and resilience. However, the rewards of living in alignment with your true self are well worth the effort.

Choosing your "must" over societal expectations can transform your life in profound ways. By reflecting on your passions, evaluating your "shoulds," and taking practical steps, you can navigate the crossroads with confidence and clarity. Embrace the journey and trust that following your "must" will lead to a life of greater joy, purpose, and fulfillment.